Yesterday was Mackenzie's dedication and 1st birthday party, and for what should have been a joyous occasion resulted in my crying my self to sleep. I was extremely upset how things panned out. I had worked really hard to make sure everything was perfect, lots of food and was ready to have a good time.
We all got to the church, expecting at least 5 families to attend to watch my daughters dedication, one turned up, and I thank them deeply for that, I was constantly checking to make sure they could see me, or that they hadn't messaged to say they were lost. Besides that the service went beautifully and I think the messages spoken were very spot on with Miss M's personality. The church service was running late so I sent DH home to make sure someone was home in case people were going to turn up at our house as they couldn't make the service. Well we got home not long after 12.30 and only DH, stepdad and brother was there.
I got everything ready, set up on the tables, and waited but besides the one above couple, no one showed. So we cooked the bbq and got on with serving excess amount of food for lunch. I then checked my computer, email anything really to see if people had messaged me last minute to say they weren't coming but found none, so still assumed people were coming. At about 1.15 get a message from a friend apologising that she couldn't make it, send message back saying doesn't matter no one else has showed either. Was feeling quite sad and disappointed at this stage, all the effort for nothing. Another friend messages back saying she thought it started at 2 and she was on her way. Sadly of the 10 people that RSVP'd to say they were coming, only 4 turned up, 2 of those being family members.
When it came to sing Happy Birthday, my daughter's first, there was one lone voice, mine, no one else would sing, I was really hurt by this, this is something, a memory I won't be able to get back, at my daughter's first birthday I was the only one rejoincing and singing, not even my DH sang. This really upset me, it may seem quite trivial but I guess it is the little things that mean the most to me and after that it was time to blow out the candle and cut the cake, I always like to get some photos of this but because DH was being a big dick and instead of taking photos like a normal bloody person, he was using the action shot so he could take lots at once, I now have a series of a million odd photos that are all blury and dark, not a single nice one in the bunch, why can't he just take a photo like a bloody normal person.
My dearest Mackenzie,
I'm sorry that your birthday party was a flop,
I'm sorry that no one came,
I'm sorry that no one sang,
I'm sorry that I have no photos of you blowing out your single candle,
I'm so sorry that it couldn't be everything I envisaged for you,
you deserve better.